Aquarias (January 20 — February 18): Pow! A ninja chop to your head. Slam! A ninja kick to your back. Thunk! A ninja throwing star, sunk deep into your chest. Ninjas will figure heavily this week. So beware! When out and about, keep an eye cocked for black-clad warriors crouched in unexpected places. Like Baskin Robbins, where no one expects ninjas, since they are assumed to be very healthy, and ice cream is very fatty. Look for them crouched near the yogurt.

— The Weekly Week