- Ray, pretend for a moment that I don’t know anything about metallurgy, engineering, or physics, and just tell me what the hell is going on.
- I’m transgender.
- Holy shit, really?
- Yeah, really.
- I have no idea what you’re talking about.
That’s cool. If you’re not yet in the loop on trans stuff, here’s a good, general FAQ. It explains the basics way better than I can. Go ahead and read it—this page will still be here when you’re ready.
- How long have you known?
- For a really long time. Maybe ask me for the longer version of the story next time we see each other. I hope you don’t mind if I don’t want to go into too much detail, though.
- OK. What should I call you?
Call me Tess. My pronouns are she/her.
I'm keeping
hoberas my username on most things, though I also usetesseraicsometimes.- Why “Tess?”
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My family is really important to me. I wanted a name that reflected that, and I wanted to pick something that wasn’t too big of a change.
Three of my four grandparents died when I was little but the fourth, my paternal grandmother, lived until I was twenty-five. She was a huge part of my life. Her name was Theresa (though we grandkids all called her Nina).
There are a bunch of common nicknames for Theresa. I like Tess a lot. Hopefully you’ll find it easy to make the switch.
- I’ve known you for a long time. What name and pronouns should I use when referring you pre-transition?
- I get this question a lot. It’s not something that I want to have an idiosyncratic preference on—we need to have a simple and clear cultural norm—and the one that’s emerged over the last several years is to always use someone’s current name and gender, even when referring to their time pre-transition.
- Hold up. You’re married. How’s Erin taking this?
We’re together, we’re supporting each other, and we’re a team. Erin is amazing.
- What about your job?
- It’s great! I’m fortunate enough to work for a company that’s scored a perfect 100% on the Human Rights Campaign’s Corporate Equality Index for something like fifteen years running.
- What kind of time frame are we talking here?
- Transitioning involves many factors and doesn’t happen overnight—it’s a continuous process that doesn’t really ever end. That said, I started hormone replacement therapy in 2015.
- Oops, I got your name or pronouns wrong.
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You’ll screw up sometimes. So do I. Don’t stress about it too much but please do make an effort. (It’s obvious when you aren’t even trying.)